Love Fi
by Amanda Hawthorn
Summary: She wasn't going to let anyone here see how much she was breaking, or how much her heart ached with longing for the man she'd set free. Spoilers for 6x02


**Disclaimer: Burn Notice still doesn't belong to me unfortunately**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my other stories. RL is keeping me pretty busy so I haven't had a lot of time to send everyone a personal reply. If I've missed you then please know I really do appreciate you taking the time out to read and review my stories.**

**Special thanks to Purdy's Pal and Jedi Skysinger for reading through this for me and to Daisyday for making us all laugh every day.**

**This is a short one shot based around the opening scene on 6x02**

_**She wasn't going to let anyone here see how much she was breaking, or how much her heart ached with longing for the man she'd set free.**_

Love Fi…

Emptiness washed over Fiona when the two FBI agents flanked her from either side, marching her towards the gate of Allarod Federal Penitentiary, her new home until she was sent for trial. So far she hadn't tried to allow what was happening to her register, because she didn't want to believe it was all real. Fiona stared straight ahead as the woman prison guard clamped her hand around her arm, her fingers digging cruelly into her flesh.

She allowed herself to be led, her only thoughts that every step was taking her further away from the man she loved. She could feel the other inmate's eyes upon her but she chose to ignore their stares. She couldn't worry about them right now, not when she focused instead on trying to keep hold of the tiny shred of hope that kept her from crumbling. She needed to hold onto the thought that somewhere out there, the man she loved was free. She'd wanted him to be out from under Anson's control and she just wished with everything she possessed that he was living his life how he'd wanted to all those years ago.

She walked numbly, keeping any kind of emotions from reaching her eyes. She wasn't going to let anyone here see how much she was breaking, or how much her heart ached with longing for the man she'd set free. She was a Glenanne and Glenanne's didn't crumble. If she'd learnt anything from her father when she was growing up, it was to keep her head held high and never let anyone see a weakness.

When she was manoeuvred inside her new _home_, she waited silently as the guards around her looked upon her with contempt filled eyes. She knew they all thought that she was responsible for murdering those two guards, and maybe in some way this was all of her fault. If she hadn't come to Miami when she'd gotten that call, or been so in love with a man who kept pushing her away, then those two men would probably still be alive. Maybe if she'd stayed away she would have spared Michael the torment of Anson. He could have had his life back without the complications of his mother and her. He'd left her for a reason in Ireland, and he'd left her many times since, but in all that time this was the first time she had actually truly left him, and it…hurt.

Reaching out blindly she took hold of the bland orange scrubs that were to be her attire for the unforeseeable future and tried not to waver under her own emotions. She refused to break; she refused to let those around her see how taking her clothes was stripping her of her last vestiges of hope. So she shut herself down, walked calmly and quietly towards her new cell and turned around to stare at the guard who shoved her inside.

She kept trying to tell herself that clinging to the last memory of the man she loved was enough to get her through this but it only served for her to miss him even more. Spotting a piece of paper on a small desk with a pencil beside it she moved towards the items and sat down. Looking down at the paper she tried not to feel so helpless when she focused on the blank page, willing her heart to write the words for her.

Writing a letter to him was the only thing she could think of to make some of the pain disappear, but all it did was dredge up those memories that she had thought she'd successfully filed away. The loneliness hit her then, just like it had all those years ago when she'd woken up in bed alone. This cell felt just like that tiny room had, the walls closing in on her as she'd tried to think of what she'd done wrong to make her lover run away.

As she wrote she poured out every ounce of feeling, hoping that he would one day be able to read it. But the words only brought forth her memories and pain that caused her to relive them over and over again. With the memories there came the dreams, the ones that caused her to sit bolt upright in bed only to dissolve into tears when she'd realised it was all just a dream.

It was that loneliness that surrounded her now, taking all of the air out of the room. She'd lived so much of her life in solitude after Michael disappeared that first time, but despite it all she had survived by trusting no one and never allowing herself to love…not after him.

If she didn't love she couldn't feel, and if she didn't feel then no one could hurt her. She just had to try and remember how she had dealt with her pain so long ago when Michael's absence widened the crack in her heart. Her mind wandered, drifting back to that time when she slipped so easily between anger and pain. It was so long ago but those feelings came back in one powerful surge, causing the pencil between her fingers to move faster as she wrote.

_She created a masque for everyone around her and buried her heartbreak, even though it was all a big charade. She was far from confidant, far from happy and every single day she was living in a lie. The strong, capable woman she portrayed started to buckle under the strain when his face invaded her dreams._

_As time wore on, Fiona knew that the people around her had started to look upon her with less than sympathetic eyes now. People stopped asking her brother's what had happened to her to make her so reclusive. Even though she was friendly enough and offered bright smiles to those around her, there was always sadness behind the smile. Men who had asked her on dates stopped asking and she became known only as the unstable daughter of Thomas Glenanne. _

_She stood on Killiney beach gazing out to the sea to watch the waves crashing upon the shore, her eyes drifting upwards towards the starry sky. Since Michael had left she often fantasized that he was gazing up into the night sky from wherever he was, and thinking of her. Every gust of wind peaked her senses as she listened for his voice, both wishing and hoping that he would realise he did love her after all and come back for her._

_This beach, on this very spot they had stood together and gazed out to the sea. They had spoken of the future, of the dreams they'd both had. Little did she know that everything he'd told her about loving her had been a lie, but she'd believed every single word. She'd believed the love she'd seen in his eyes…and she was so tired of going over everything she'd said to him before he'd left her._

_Even now she could feel the familiar stinging in her eyes as her daily ritual of tears held her captive once more to the endless sorrow that seemed to weigh her down. Taking a deep breath she looked out to the sea and swallowed hard against the sobs that threatened to engulf her. Closing her eyes tightly, Fiona listened to the wind just as she always did, just waiting to hear his voice answer her, but he never did._

_She was so tired of feeling like this, so utterly defeated. Before him she had been a different person, one who'd shot first and never asked questions. Her love for him had changed her, made her soft…but that same love was slowly turning to anger and frustration. She was tired of trying to figure out what she'd done wrong. _

_Moving forward she walked across the sandy beach and down towards the crashing waves that smashed loudly onto the shore, stopping only when the spray of the sea threw cold splatters over her skin. Lifting her eyes she scanned the clear night sky and gazed up at the twinkling stars that glistened above her, knowing she had to do this, that it was time to finally say goodbye._

_She could feel her heart hammering inside her chest as she fought the never ending sorrow that smothered her, robbing her of both her life and breath. "I'M LETTING YOU GO," she yelled brokenly, her voice lost in the wind. "IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT...IS IT?" _

_As she spoke, tears glistened on her face to mingle with the rain, and she wondered if one day she would ever be able to forgive him. Her spurt of anger suddenly dissolved and she shook her head when she looked up into the sky. "There'll never be anyone else…" she whispered, closing her eyes against the tears as she slowly turned away to make her way back towards the car she'd stolen to get her here. She had to leave Ireland and forget him; if she didn't then she would never find that part of herself that she'd been before she'd met him. It was time for the real Fiona Glenanne to re-emerge._

Coming out of her memories, Fiona looked down at the words she had written and tried to focus through the tears in her eyes. This felt just like that time, she'd felt lost and abandoned there too, but it was so long ago. She and Michael weren't the same people that they had been back then.

The relationship they had now was stronger, and her love for him had deepened over time. If she did nothing else in this life she would die with the knowledge that she had sacrificed herself for him. She had never loved anyone enough to do that before.

Sighing heavily she pushed all thoughts of sorrow out of her heart and thought about how she should end the letter. Should she tell him to find someone else and be happy? Was that what he wanted her to say? Swallowing hard she looked down at the paper and wiped the palms of her hands over her eyes.

Maybe if she lost every ounce of hope of ever seeing him again she could tell him that, but she couldn't. She had to cling to something, anything that would keep her connected to him in some tiny way. Looking down at her letter again she took a deep breath and held the pencil over the paper, willing her fingers to write the words.

Her heart told her to write that she loved him but she couldn't bear to write the words that he may never be able to read. Staring down at her own unique scrawl she fought off another wave of despair as she wrote two simple words that said so little but meant so much…words that he would know were meant only for him...

"Love Fi…"

The End


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